Archives: June 2014

This Is a Sacred Space – What is disclosure?

June 19, 2014

i would like  to win-der (as oppose to past tense in “won-der) if i had a purple brain would i be better of? Something in this solo room just said “come on let’s go!” and am trying to figure out what to do with my work. What is my work? My work is to be myself, my work is to love, to exist in my heart space. From there  is  much and everything one can do, offer and or teach.  To me we are all undercover Her-storians. Love to me has the most profound meaning.Humanity has been abducted from it’s home, its nature, its heart.

Some people really despise, or dislike the term “to teach”. i would take my self included but then how about to be the example? i  let this mind of higher consciousness with gigantic heavenly blue sky open and full of sun gleam into my self to continue the walk into the depths of my inner Agartha.*

 The ability to present something unique. . And with this purple brain indeed you can do brain-new- thinking, How about this: how about i shut up and tune into the conversation that this etheric tree wants to have with me.*

There are energies  life expressions of formlessness and of  forms. And you are passing by, full of  overcoming the present moment, foolishly eh? I have been here on this planet for more then 160,000,000 years. No kidding. If you want to know more let me know. And first I need to surprise the doubt and  the fear and bring it out to shred it. Some of the old obstacles, residues, blocks they still would like to  prevent me, prevent billions of people from making them selves authentic, making them selves here and seen and i am one of them. I don’t agree or believe in anything, but specially guild, shame and the like and or anger. I have been holding my breath for thousands of years holding something i wanted to say for this long time. My jaw is hurting. That might have had a different reason. We’ll come to it. If you talk and or write about something that you feel is holding you back, holding you down, making you doubt your self, say it write about it, keep doing it till you have emptied yourself.

It could be much easier and done in seconds if i would just use an ax, to chop down all the blame, the shame, the guild’ imagining the wood  represented my  stolen childhood. Instead of enjoy my spontaneity, my courage to discover who and what is with me in life my childhood was being chopped as if it was just piece of  wood ready to be burned.

My disclosure is big deal to me: a)the childhood takes me to b)the programs=schooling c) takes me to work, takes me to d) borders which didn’t grow naturally on the surface of Mother Earth just like I wasn’t born with poisonous tattoo on my skin. My disclosure takes me to UFO, which i have identified because i as a 100% free will soul have been conversing, traveling, simultaneously co-existing with everybody and anybody on many galaxies and am fed up with arrogant robotic monsters who endlessly interfere with life and i made a typo and wrote “love” instead of “life”. I want to disclose the “a)” part to achieve final remedy and resolve and on the end i make my own soul contract revocation with this “a)” point. It is important also for the reasons to let the big anger have its voice, find the resolution so it can leave. The etheric tree is here to ground me and to listen. 

 i am at the place momentarily where my emotions are letting me know “we are out of patience” “with my self.”Hold on: great messenger. Here is the place inside of my stuck place/fear/child where the caregiver “didn’t know there needs to be applied   p a t i e n c e  if the child is to grow in healthy individual and allow the lessons to settle down, take its course.” Here it is, if you feel something like that nagging at you, please take the moment and find the place in your “past” to where it belongs instead of messing up your present beauty moment in life as an adult who wants to love and evolve. If you take the time, you will free the attachment, release the emotional swell, you give your self a hug, say thank you to universal intelligence and carry on.

As i am overcoming{as we speak it takes a second but 3 hours to write about it} this very old bad obstacle CALLED EXPECTATION ( which somebody within family i was mistakenly born into), polluted  me with.  The “expectation of immediate understanding of a  lesson”. Without any warning, explanation the “mother” was obligated to render me, her fearful ego would extorted it self, imposing all over and i the child was found guilty of not understanding what was being shout at me as an order, command, example: if you shout while doing a home work of math and you need your child to understand  it you have to be equipped with intelligence and knowledge and explain to best of your ability what is required of you as a student of a math problem, to be helpful to your child. {That is what i did as a mother to my children without knowing i was capable of it, since the “mother” i was born to, was the tyrant who only was strong enough to  call me an idiot, block;-head, cow, stupid, fucking sucker and ugly pussy. The underlined experience while deleting these programs which are layered in each of us, i am also experiencing a thick woods of words in my head…: They spin the mind around  trying to loos it so they can have their way with my mind. i am constantly redirecting my focus to find the best possible and easiest way to create a path which takes me to the closure.

Scrolling a little more back we find “constant putt downs. Most children are natural henceforth very sensitive, i was born indigo and so i took it to the task to tame this beast by  pleasing her,  working for her. The work contained many chores: cleaning, heavy lifting of things, shopping, working at her studio (the studio was actually the hall of the apartment and the small kitchen from which always something smelled smoked and or vinegary and  i was “employed”  and i could never ever do anything right to her satisfaction.  So i don’t like her and it used to hard on me. She was always very mean, self-centered, screaming at my very good grandfather, screaming at my very good hard working father, scarring me off all the time, i was stuttering, i couldn’t communicate because i became resonant with her idea of me being stupid and incompetent, so that was at home where no world could see this abuse but on the outside when the foot touched the pavement and we start seeing her friends people from my school, oh boy, it was the face of the pretender of love and care and everybody thought how good everything was. It really got me mixed up and confused. Everything has its consequences, hers are coming but the child’s were that the soul existed outside of my body, either beside it and or far away connected by the silver court and many times i wished it would snap.

Her  words cause you pain, the wooden spoons broken over you body cause you bleeding and pain, the grabbing onto you whenever she choose caused you to wanna leave. What a mean ugly angry bitch.  i wish to stand naked in the middle of a field in nature and SCREEM my lungs out. I honestly cannot say i like her. i loved her but she knew nothing about love. She was so bitter, eccentric, sexually overstimulated, which was  scary to me as well, pretended that she always new everything. There was nothing in the world she could learn from anybody, from her two children who lived for her, because we could n’t live for our own childhoods we didn’t have any.

i felt so embarrassed so many times and didn’t even had to actually understand the meaning of her words spoken it was just how it stabbed me how it felt i felt so alone, i couldn’t say this to anybody i was  afraid, because i knew if i would say what was happening to me at my own home this mean woman would turn it around make it look as if i am making it up and i am the one who is crazy.  My brother was one year and a half younger which meant he was also my responsibility. Anything he did and or didn’t do was always and only my fault, and was punished for absolutely everything.  No room for explanation there was no time for me to sort  things out so i could find a solution and follow how everything happened in sequence so it could make sense to me. And then i would be able to deliver a reasonable explanations to her. Not a chance.  One time my dear brother walks on a slippery edge of a swimming pool in a different country,he slips and as i walked behind him and happened to catch his slipping arm and yelled for help. (i did love him sincerely and i couldn’t understand for the world what was so much better about him and nothing good and or like able about girls)

  One time we as a family, made a trip to  Austria. I think it was the year 1967 and or 68. Very bad and uncertain time for the country where i was born. People were saying Russian may come and occupy our little country (and they did) some were speculating to be much better of  and emigrate to the West block.   Europe was being  divided. The next stage of domination and control begun to take on a new shape. So the parents and us went to Austria where my father’s father had been building a hotel, bed and breakfast and two swimming pools. The idea was for  my parents to stay  and work there. Nobody had a problem with this genius idea except the mother had a problem. She constructed that she couldn’t left her father behind in communism and she misled her husband and in-laws to say her priority was to take care of her father. It sounded very noble but in actuality she let us and her father into a  complete destruction, humiliation and the loss  of freedom. My grandfather was also exposed as it turned out to my mother’s verbal abuse. Not a care. He barely spoke and when he said something he was immediately being reprimanded like a child.. I was  learning nothing about respecting elderly people. I felt embarrassed.

My grandfather was very fine and noble gentleman. He losed his own mother when he was 4 years old and his sister was raising him. His sister was also kind being and i do remember her well. There is a woman now, my dear friend Eva who reminds me very much of my grandfather’s sister. My grandfather was a engeneer and a doctor of nutrition and a professor at age of 28 at Charles University, had over 27 world’s patents, was world wide recognized for his academic work and for his humanitarian work as well. He worked hard, he smoked a lot, he loved country music, he called me A little ducking, he fell a sleep when he was assigned to look after me, don’t know where my younger bro was if not with us. My grandfather is a man i highly respect ,love deeply and protect his name and sanity. He was friends (as  i had somewhere picture of him in Europe) with the first republic president and they both liked to ride horses. It brings tears into my eyes to see such a genuine man to be so benied with his offspring. It is difficult for me to comprehend sometimes these anomalies. The explanation is that as i go of years of my own discovery healing meditation and spiritual practical study sitting for long time sit many important questions, i know in my heart and clear mind that these mixed families, are difficult to digest for the planet. The good part is to be aware that Mother’s Earth incarnations dominion is coming back with Her. It is being also confirmed by some other beautiful living soulful guardians like Andrew Batrzis and his grand works.In my own receptive perception i do not consent to these anomalies and sincerely work hard all my life to eradicate them for ever.

 With mother’s very rude tong, her language and manipulations  dear grandfather fell even more sick . 

He lived with us as i recall, then he was forced  to move out. Old man moving out of his own  4 bedroom apartment (which my father had fixed to be more comfortable for my grandfather, us the two kids.) My father converted from an old kitchen, beautiful room, fitted with wooden beam posted ceiling, walls covered in pine wood, new paint. One more person (him when he came late from work could go sleep). From an old closet he made it into a kitchen. Everything he did was bright,nice, clean, concise. My strong impression has been that my father did appreciated the genius in my  grandfather who could continue living with us because George the great warrior of peace,my father would protect my grandfather. The exposure of an abuse was present when the man was not home Then my grandfather  after some time   was kicked out, and  was forced to re-marry, to some very drinking and smocking hungarian suspicious woman thinking he could find a shelter and mainly Love with her. But he was so wrong. This woman beat the living soul out of him, so he called one time the mother, his daughter, and asked her if he possibly could move back into his own apartment! He was desperate.

My father worked days and nights in a club, some 400 km away from us in Germany so he could provide for us. For her it was nothing, he was nobody and what was worse in her mind he was sleeping around. More exposure to guild and shame and blame. Please, don’t do this to your children!

Anytime the parents  were together, enormous fights erupted, physical  as well. I was the one to be covering her body with my tiny body so she woudn’t be choked. My brother and i had nowhere to go. We were completely sponging this psychic puke from a  beast which/who infected my family,  and our tiny mostly hungry bodies. People from Europe are familiar with such stories. People from Western are now also familiar with such stories. No wonder  in such environment can’t think fast and clean, straight everything is scrambled. Because you are  shocked, violated, attacked, you live with a beast who is calling her self your mother and you as a child have nobody to talk to! My take on what happened with her is that she was taken by greys the kind which has no heart no feelings unemotional is hired to take a human out and conduct number of procedures  This is absolutely real and it has been happening all over the world since the 2nd world war. Everything in her house and her was dark. Her personalities split. Tyrant in privacy and nice in the public.

I remember one instance when they were divorcing, my grandfather mostly in hospital in and out, and my father was crying begging her to take him back. Because this beast loved to be in control and manipulation, and it made her always feel superior and happy when she saw you suffering and sad, she rejected his plea. I didn’t understand how this man could ever beg such a disgusting bitch for forgiveness. i my self was afraid of both of them in truth witnessing them what they can do to each other. It took me a great mountains of courage to be investigating ways for resolve, some clues.  Many millions of families, children live in such and worse places. I was doing everything she asked me and even figured out what else i could do, i was bringing her flowers to make her smile. The money i saved up, instead of a bubble gum, there were flowers every other day fresh for her so she could calm down. I didn’t see my father for long time. He has moved out without telling me where he was going. He was under the impression from her lawyer that i as his daughter was Not interested in maintaining contact. Did they ask me? With divorce my brother spend lots of time with my father and i was left with her. When i reached 17 i run away and was brought back by police. The running didn’t stop i couldn’t bare to be there any longer especially after another tragedy, finding my brother dead in a bathtub.  i was blamed for his death harshly was almost killed.  i found the way to my father and we became friends. When i was a single mother after 4 years of abusive marriage and left with two most beautiful babies ever in this world my father died. If I skip the additional traumas and challenges I will say that my father after his passing became my greatest Angel. I had many “usual” meetings with his soul and it is overdue I finally give away how he saved me the very first time. It was dark and wet November evening i was dropping my babies at their “father’s place for a visit, very upset. i didn’t agree with the arrangement forced on me. And because i was so upset i didn’t pay attention to the road ahead i got lost. Some time later while sobbing and passing by a small park i see this dark siluette signaling to me in the direction of north/west. i didn’t know HOW but it cough my attention i made that left turn and it took me out of my otherwise never ending loop. When on the road familiar to me i was thinking what just happened and most probably was in shock and a haze i got my self home and the minute i shut the door behind me to my apartment i instantly knew that shadow in the park was my Father! I lit a candle and when i did that this huge shadow approached me and gave me a hug. i felt so home i felt his words saying to me “so sorry what has happened to me and he is there now seeing and understanding everything and he volunteers to be my guide and protect me and love me because during his life on Earth he didn’t do it the way he wished for” As time went by my other friend with whom we did mutual energy works every week on each other, learning lots of new things, reading books, we also worked on my father’s soul because he felt to me as if earthbound spirit. This spiritual work with and for him and me went so well that within few years he came to me, while i was in New Zealand and presented him self as huge black crystaline obsidian. Gorgeous. My father is still around and even now as i am writing this overdue Ceremony, recognition, appreciation and love and gratitude for him, i feel his Loving energy.

Without  his interventions It would be  much  worse.

There has been and continue to be  many accouters in my life with different kind of people. Beings from different dimensions, different energetics i keep drawing in my books at least their “faces”, billions of different worlds,  i am used to them. These different fabulous, gorgeous loving beings are not any longer to be deemed and labeled as  non existent ufos. It is more than embarrassing . Woudn’t you feel more then dump to think that French people are not real because you can’t see them from Canada?Nobody needs to ever doubt her / his own experiences or be politely submissive to some idiots who are just jealous and afraid of loosing their domination and control. It Is about time it happens. We were “born” in  happenance with Nature with Universe and  with me for me. And there is more to disclose. How about the Rule of the Law? 

  Think on why do you get so easily irritated? We are all psychics. We get messages from each other non-stop! The life is your friend and you can never begin to be your mother if you saw it was a bad idea. That is what i did. In my ow healing i saw the Earth to be my true Mother. Mother Earth has adopted me.

I wrote this and now is public.  Now i want this to  hit the major water fall and  the free falling water powerfully cancels what’s not belonging.The pest parasite our Earth has been experiencing on the large scale in progress is like a numbing glue.

My heart is to me a home. I am privately able to leave my home open because it scars the beast to see you are un-armed, you are aware and your choosing is the most obvious.

i truly and honestly do not consider the woman out of who’s star gate i have exited, and or was expelled, or you say was born, as my mother. i really tried hardest for years to love her, i forgive her.  No longer any of her spell, guilty trips ,control, have power over me, she has no control over my thoughts, emotions, feelings, ideas, paths, ways how and or where i live with whom i am. In the same way nobody can have control over you, only if you let it. Stop nodding and start studying, research the law, find the “spelling” over you and your life and get rid of it.

The true government is your own Higher self, governing your actions with simple steps:1) being who you are in your original, not what the birth certificate writes about your person.2) Know and examine furthere you are NOT your believes, get rid of them . Life does make sure that one gets this one clearly. Knowing something,  doesn’t need believe, it needs your trust IN you. You trust even if you don’t know something you do the best, sincerely, honestly, selflessly, presently.3) you get to decide who are you every miniscule of a second time.The archetypes are long gone.  Earth does Not play any Karma! I don’t believe in karma, i don’t believe in destiny, i don’t believe in religion and circumsission.

I know how to trust me. I don’t do to anyone what was done to me obviously naturally i know better. So many people try to live concepts while many more wants to live with life. So many masonic temples still around.One needs to be aware.One doesn’t need to fill her self with fear. Unless you are lazy. These temples are bad old news. Many of us will have to leave the toxic cities. So the spasm can spam on itself. i am going to take a brake. For those without lazy bones and inquisitive minds check out Karl Lentz:your children is your property (on You tube). Large volume of trustworthy information/Education

 O.K. what is your disclosure? What does it mean to you? I now accept more people interested in changing their tune and venturing fearlessly inside of them selves. You can find my contact at my web


100% free will soul